Nigeria Meets Hazzard Co.

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Nigeria Meets Hazzard Co.

Post by DANNY » November 23rd, 2004, 1:50 am


(LL -- I did not open the attachment, but I did reply)

"Dear Bodunde,
Well I reckon what the Bible says about greed is true, 'cause today I'm writin to you from the Hazzard County jail. Lordy a'mercy, those Duke boys an I shur are in a peck o' trouble, and I don't know how we'll get outta the fix we're in this time...

See, at dinner last night (and a fine meal it was, if it has to be my last supper -- Daisy's fritter-style pigs feet breaded so nice and cooked real tender, with hot biscuits that just damn near melt in yer mouth before ye even chew 'em, and collard greens steamed to a deep, fleshy pulp so the whole house smelled of 'em... I tell you Bodunde, I coulda died right there an' heard glory callin' me to Jesus by way a' my taste buds! It was that good, an' that's why I shur wish you could visit and really experience what I'm talkin about. If you could get a flight inta Atlanta, the bus ride from thar ain't too bad and goes through some very purty country, 'specially this time a year. Well, just think about it, 'cause I feel closer to you now bein pen pals and we'd love to have such an important visitor, an we ain't never had no one here from Nigeria before. I reckon folks'd be talkin about that fer years...) all the Dukes put our heads together and hatched a plan a' how to sneak inta mean ol' Pernicious Xavier Alabastulous's place and jerry-rig an ol' typewriter to the phone as a Johnny-come-lately fax machine! We had it all worked out, and we was all layin' low in the back a' Uncle Jesse's truck with the typewriter ready to pounce when tha lights went out (everybody in these parts knows that mean ol' Pernicious sleeps like the dead and snores as loud as a grizzly bear). But jest as we seen Pernicious through the bathroom winder drop his dentures inta a' glass a' Pepsodent, my poor idiot savant nephew (whos we had ta bring along ta' jerry rig the fax) started hollerin' obscenities in a ragin' fit a' Tourettes. We was caught like the fox in the henhouse, and before we was halfway back home we was apprehended by Roscoe n' Enos, aka the Hazzard County FUZZ.

So here I sit no better off n' I was before. I'm still hopin' maybe you can come fer a visit and bring that thar check, now I need it more than ever. Any chance you could Western Union a small advance to me, care of the Hazzard County Courthouse, Hazzard, GA? I shur would appreciate it, good buddy. Also, this jerry-rigged laptop from Cooter's basement is running off an old Atari motherboard, so I'm unable to open attachments unless you can encode them using a GNU compiler, and front-end encode it as C++ or Fourtran document, or the best would be to copy it to a First Edition Pac Man cartridge, if ya have one (or check eBay). Thanky kindly!
sincerely, LL

(...and here ended our most pleasant correspondence) ... 6f60f9617b

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